coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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