I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
