I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
