So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
