i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize