I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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