The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
