I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize