You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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