she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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