mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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