You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
