I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
