Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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