I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
