Don't you send me to vm
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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