hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
