i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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