She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
