I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
