You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
