I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
