Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
