Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
