I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize