Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
