So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
