Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
