Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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