I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
