if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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