I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
