Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
