"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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