Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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