Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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