It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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