He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
