She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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