Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
