Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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