WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
