Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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