Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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