omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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