I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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