oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
