Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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