After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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