this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize