Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
