How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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