Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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