i don't like sucking hair
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
