if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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