You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize