The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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