How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
