never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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