tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
