So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
