he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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