Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
