took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize