We won't sleep together?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
