seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
