please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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