she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
