You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
