absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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