The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
