i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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