Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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