OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
