If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
