Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize