bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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