The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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