I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize