There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
