I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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