yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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