I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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