The maid of honor just puked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
