I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
