i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
