omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
