Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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