sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
