We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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