I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
