omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
