its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is classic penis vs brain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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