dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
