Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
