Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
