I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
