I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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