life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
