We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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